{"id":2701,"date":"2014-05-02T14:53:23","date_gmt":"2014-05-02T18:53:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.med.unc.edu\/iris\/iris\/archives-1\/2014-2\/flip-2014\/test-anxiety\/"},"modified":"2018-08-03T15:41:14","modified_gmt":"2018-08-03T19:41:14","slug":"test-anxiety","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.med.unc.edu\/iris\/2014-2\/flip-2014\/test-anxiety\/","title":{"rendered":"Test Anxiety"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

Lee Hong, MD\/PhD year 3, Undecided<\/p>\n

\n

Dream Weaver,<\/p>\n

when I lay down to sleep<\/p>\n

and curl myself up<\/p>\n

and close my eyes at last from the glow and the glare,<\/p>\n

have your hands at the ready, the needle threaded.<\/p>\n

For once I do,<\/p>\n

your tapestry is unwound,<\/p>\n

and in its place my clumsy hands knit<\/p>\n

the ragged twine<\/p>\n

of my feeble attempts<\/p>\n

to learn<\/p>\n

the labs,<\/p>\n

the steroids,<\/p>\n

the endless symptoms.<\/p>\n

The \u201cclinical pictures\u201d dictated on pages,<\/p>\n

now held by these pathetic strands,<\/p>\n

crumpled in the dark and damp abscesses of my brain.<\/p>\n

It\u2026 was my dream to be a medical student.<\/p>\n

So Weaver, can you spin a different thread tonight?<\/p>\n

For my days are drawn thin.<\/p>\n

Minute by minute, I see these letters arranged in various combinations<\/p>\n

and try to remember.<\/p>\n

Remember\u2026 and to know.<\/p>\n

I know the warmth of my mother\u2019s smile<\/p>\n

and the shades of sunlit sky.<\/p>\n

Maybe one day, these words will no longer be unpalatable boluses,<\/p>\n

but visceral,<\/p>\n

a more instinctive reality,<\/p>\n

a memory.<\/p>\n

Dream Weaver, one day you\u2019ll laugh and remind me<\/p>\n

what it\u2019s like to see your work laid out before you,<\/p>\n

to relish what your hands have made.<\/p>\n

But tonight\u2026 please, spare me from this ocean of knowledge I\u2019m drowning in.<\/p>\n

Take pity at my gasping breaths.<\/p>\n

For I am tired of treading water,<\/p>\n

and for once,<\/p>\n

I will let you\u2026<\/p>\n

\u2026pick up where I left off.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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