{"id":16071,"date":"2023-08-09T16:28:19","date_gmt":"2023-08-09T20:28:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.med.unc.edu\/psych\/cecmh\/?p=16071"},"modified":"2024-01-30T16:30:56","modified_gmt":"2024-01-30T21:30:56","slug":"becoming-who-i-was-before-schizophrenia-or-should-i","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.med.unc.edu\/psych\/cecmh\/becoming-who-i-was-before-schizophrenia-or-should-i\/","title":{"rendered":"Becoming Who I was Before Schizophrenia \u2014 Or Should I?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"I have been living in recovery from schizophrenia for 11 years. While I haven\u2019t experienced any symptoms for over a decade, I do not feel like I am the same person I was before my mental illness. This has often bothered me; sometimes, it feels like the only way I can become who I am \u201cmeant to be\u201d is if I look backward and compare who I am now to who I was before my diagnosis.<\/p>\n

I have put so much pressure on myself over the years to become \u201cwho I was\u201d again \u2014 like that person, the 20-year-old version of myself, was better. For a long time, I went on a relentless quest to reclaim that person and simply \u201cforget\u201d the part in the middle, my 14 years of mental illness. However, with time and reflection, I am forming a new outlook on who I am. I have come to realize that the essential elements of my nature and character never left me, even while experiencing psychosis, and what truly makes me who I am is still present today.<\/p>\n

Moreover, I\u2019m realizing that I have come out for the better. Surviving schizophrenia, and making it to the other side, has given me a new and improved identity that I embrace.<\/p>\n

Learning Empathy<\/strong><\/h4>\n

The pain I\u2019ve experienced in life has not only challenged me to care of myself; it has developed my empathy toward others. I believe that the more you experience in life, the more sensitive you are to others\u2019 experiences \u2014 and you can speak to people in a way that truly resonates. I\u2019ve realized that now that I have been through schizophrenia, I\u2019m not afraid to go to painful, dark places with others who need compassion and reassurance that they are not alone. Ultimately, this has been a critical transition in my life: I opened my eyes to others\u2019 suffering instead of my own.<\/p>\n

Had I not been through something so painful, feeling other\u2019s pain and truly connecting might feel uncomfortable because I wouldn\u2019t understand it and couldn\u2019t relate. I can identify with pain, and it means so much to me to be able to be there for others. I think I am a more authentic and compassionate person with others because of the pain I endured, and these experiences have taught me a new level of humility that keeps me grounded.<\/p>\n

Finding My Purpose<\/strong><\/h4>\n

In the throes of my illness, when I struggled with wanting to give up, I had to find reasons to persist. I had to have purpose. When you search your heart like this \u2014 when your survival depends on it \u2014 you learn to filter out the things the things that truly don\u2019t matter. With this kind of reflection, I realized that my purpose is to love and to receive love from others. Even when I was in the process of healing, I realized that if I acted in love, I couldn\u2019t lose. Acting passionately for the benefit of others is what makes sense to me.<\/p>\n

If I hadn\u2019t had schizophrenia and hadn\u2019t been stripped of everything, maybe I would have taken another path \u2014 maybe one that was only about self-improvement and traditional measures of success, rather than caring for others and forging my own path. I believe that life could have been more superficial if I hadn\u2019t had to dig deep, live in survival mode and discover what truly matters in life. My pain and suffering have given me a direction and trajectory for how I want my life to matter.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Discovering the Power of Gratitude<\/strong><\/h4>\n

One way I survived schizophrenia was learning what gratitude truly means and how to use this power in daily life. Early on in my illness, I found power in being negative and figured I was the only person in the world who wasn\u2019t \u201cnormal.\u201d I thought feeling sorry for myself was loving myself, but I was wrong. With time, I realized that the ultimate way to overcome the challenges of mental illness was to find gratitude in those challenges.<\/p>\n

Finding gratitude in everyday life and the little things led to a deeper gratitude for my existence and positivity about my future. I am proud of what I have overcome, thankful for what some might take for granted and happy to have a life I can authentically call my own.<\/p>\n

Ultimately, I am a more grateful, positive person than I was before my illness. I\u2019m more content with my life now than I was when I was 20. Every step I take is something I\u2019m grateful for \u2014 and I am content to move forward as the person I am now. I can still be true to myself and know who I am, even if I am no longer completely the person I once was. Nothing that truly matters is lost for good; and in fact, I am better due to my experiences.<\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you\u2019ve ever been, to stand up taller than you ever were.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n

\n

Original article featured in NAMI Blog | February 8, 2023. <\/em><\/a>Image credit: NAMI<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have been living in recovery from schizophrenia for 11 years. While I haven\u2019t experienced any symptoms for over a decade, I do not feel like I am the same person I was before my mental illness. This has often bothered me; sometimes, it feels like the only way I can become who I am … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":97082,"featured_media":16072,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"layout":"","cellInformation":"","apiCallInformation":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[87],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16071","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ov-merritt","odd"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nBecoming Who I was Before Schizophrenia \u2014 Or Should I? - UNC Center for Excellence in Community Mental Health<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.med.unc.edu\/psych\/cecmh\/becoming-who-i-was-before-schizophrenia-or-should-i\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Becoming Who I was Before Schizophrenia \u2014 Or Should I? - UNC Center for Excellence in Community Mental Health\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I have been living in recovery from schizophrenia for 11 years. 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